Shake Hands With Success

by Mark S. Fulton

In olden days traveling the byways between towns was risky business, especially if you were on foot. Outlaws often lurked in the bushes, plotting to separate you from your money or your life. Consequently, when a stranger approached, it was prudent to place your hand on your dagger to demonstrate that you were ready to defend yourself.

On the other hand, if you needed to stop and engage a stranger for any reason, it was a real good idea to indicate that your intentions were not hostile — or you might end up with a few extra buttonholes in your shirt. The most effective way to communicate non-aggression was to display an open right hand, which would have been holding your dagger if you had intended to perpetrate mischief. Once the stranger held out his empty right hand, both of you could get on with your business.

Ultimately, the extended right hands came together in a clasp—a gesture that added the sensory stimulation of personal contact. It also happened to be an excellent maneuver for making sure your new acquaintance didn’t change his mind at the last second and reach for his cutlery. By the time weapons were no longer carried by the general public, the handclasp (and its offspring the handshake) had evolved from a tactic for self-preservation to a mainstay of social etiquette.

Today, the handshake serves many purposes. In addition to being a formality of greeting, the handshake is a sign of acceptance, a stamp of approval, a symbol of sportsmanship and a signal of cooperation. Celebrities give handshakes as gifts to their adoring fans and politicians press the flesh of the hands that will cast the votes.

The handshake is also an important tool of business. It initiates relationships, concludes meetings and ratifies agreements. Executed properly, a handshake can make a good impression that may open a door or close a deal. Done poorly, it can create a misperception that you’ll have to work to overcome.

We put a lot of stock in this moment of physical interaction—and for good reason. There’s growing evidence that our intuitive reaction to another’s handshake has some basis in science. According to a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, your handshake is directly related to key aspects of your personality.

Researchers at the University of Alabama asked 112 people to fill out personality questionnaires. Unbeknown to the test subjects, their handshakes were also being judged by various handshake evaluators. From brief encounters involving nothing more than a handshake, the evaluators were able to correctly guess many key personality traits, such as confidence, shyness and neuroticism.

In order to avoid inadvertently suggesting to others that you are secretly a wimp, bully, snob, or control freak, make sure your handshake doesn’t fall into one of these categories:

Fish Monger - You might as well hand someone a dead carp. A weak, limp handshake says “Sorry, I left my personality at home.” It’s an invitation for others to think you can be pushed around by Barney Fife.

Knuckle Cruncher - This handshake is sometimes a misguided attempt to convey warmth by gripping tightly. Sometimes is it’s a deliberate bid by a Hulk Hogan wannabee to dominate the recipient. Regardless of the motivation behind it, the knuckle cruncher screams insensitivity and aggression.

Arm Pumper - Unless you expect water to spout out of a person’s ear, don’t treat his or her arm like a pump handle. You’ll just seem overly eager and insecure. Besides, it makes the other person feel foolish.

Jolly Jerker - Do you shake hands by yanking the recipient toward you in a show of good-natured gusto? This ad hoc tug-of-war comes across as manipulative and controlling. It says, “You’ll do things my way, or the next time I’ll tear your arm clean off.”

Palm Pincher - If you barely put three or four fingers in the other person’s hand and squeeze the palm with your fingertips, your acquaintance may think you’re afraid of catching a communicable disease. The palm pincher handshake makes you seem timid, sheepish and afraid of intimacy.

Glad-handing Grabber - “We’re great buddies—really!” says this handshake accompanied by gripping the person’s arm with your other hand. It implies quick sincerity and intimacy, just like the kind you get from a used car salesman.

So what makes for a solid handshake? Here are the basic ingredients:

Complete Grip - Point your thumb upward toward the other person's arm and fully take hold of the hand. The web of skin between your thumb and index finger should meet the same place on the other person’s hand. The palms should come together.

Strength - Grip the other person’s hand firmly, wrapping your fingers around the outside of the hand. Squeeze gently once.

Vigor - Tense your arm muscles slightly and give a couple brisk shakes up and down.

Eye contact - Look directly into the other person’s eyes and lean into the handshake a little. And be sure to smile.

Speak - Make a pleasant remark. If the handshake is accompanying an introduction, express your pleasure at meeting the person. If the handshake concludes a meeting, compliment the other person on something that he or she did or said during the meeting.

Sixties poet and songwriter Rod McKuen once said, “Extending your hand is extending yourself.” An excellent handshake demonstrates your charm, self confidence and style—and sets the stage for successful interaction.

Copyright 2000 © Mark S. Fulton