The Passing Ritual

by Mark S. Fulton

It usually begins like this: You’re walking down a sidewalk or corridor when you spot someone coming in the opposite direction. You quickly realize that you and the approaching person are going to pass by each other unless someone changes course. That’s when you initiate the Passing Ritual.

• At a distance of about 100 feet, you determine the side on which the approaching person is likely to pass you. You then set your course accordingly and immediately look away to avoid establishing eye contact too early. Meanwhile, the approaching person has also initiated the Passing Ritual and is making the same calculations.

• As you continue walking, you keep the approaching person in your peripheral vision while you look at something else. On the street you can window shop or take in the sights. In a hallway you have to be more creative, focusing on wall decorations or studying the pattern in the carpet. An appearance of being deep in thought is a nice touch.

• When the gap has closed to about 50 feet, both you and your passing partner get another bearing on each other in order to time the remaining elements of the ritual accurately and to maintain an appropriate space during the passing.

• Continuing to look away from the approaching person, you draw to within about 20 feet and then you look directly at him. At this stage it’s important to put a smile on your face. A smile sends the message: “ I am going to walk past you and not attack you. You’re safe because I’m a friendly person.”

• Ideally, the approaching person makes eye contact with you at about the same time. This is when you must decide whether to go verbal, or not. The Passing Ritual is best executed with an exchange of brief salutations, such as “Hello” or “Mornin’,” although a friendly nod of the head usually suffices.

• As you pass the other person, you break off eye contact and continue on course.

Of course, there are many ways to botch the Passing Ritual. Paying poor attention to details or trying to get too creative can cause an awkward moment for yourself and your passing partner. Here are some Passing Ritual bloopers to avoid:

The Close Encounter - Failing to establish eye contact at the correct moment during the approach can lead to an clumsy confrontation where you and your passing partner are suddenly staring at each other with too little distance remaining to pass smoothly. Your first reaction may be to blurt out a salutation. But that might give the impression that you really want to talk to the person. For a stranger, that could be terribly threatening. For an acquaintance, that could lead to an complete Passing Ritual breakdown in which both of you have to stop and exchange inane pleasantries.

The Missed Opportunity - This passing faux pas occurs when both you and your passing partner are out of sync with your attempts at eye contact. He’s looking away just as you look at him and vice versa. This gets really messy as you draw nearer and nearer to each other. Will you get your acts together or will you pass without acknowledgment, leaving each other with the impression that you’ve mismanagement a basic social custom?

The Garrulous Salutation - One of the worst things you can do during the Passing Ritual is to get overly talkative with your salutation. Saying something like “How’s it goin’?” is just asking for trouble. What if your passing partner thinks you actually want an answer? Stay within the boundaries of harmless howdies and avoid this trap.

The Double Take - You can’t really help this one. The Double Take occurs when you turn around or go around the block and encounter the same person again. Having once successfully completed the Passing Ritual, you are both confident in each other’s abilities, but what do you do for an encore? I recommend a warm smile that says, “Yes, I know we’re doing this again, but we can handle it.” You should never get cute and say something like “Hello, again.”

The Weight-of-the-World Approach - This maneuver may not be a blooper, depending on your disposition. If you just don’t feel like observing social conventions, you can choose to act as though you’re too engrossed in thinking about world peace to be polite. Keep your eyes riveted to the ground and furrow your brow. A very determined stride adds to the effect. Most people will forgive your impropriety if you look sufficiently solemn.

The Passing Ritual is a code of conduct that enables us to pass by one another in a manner that is at once nonthreatening, polite and detached. It’s a form of habitual behavior that we learned without being taught how to do it and that we exhibit without thinking about it.

In fact, there are many rituals—let’s call them routines—that make up our daily work experience. Some are protocols that promote productivity and establish an orderly environment. Others are ruts that foster boredom and kill creativity. Routines, customs, practices, traditions—call them what you will—can either energize or enervate your business.

Column Note: In the next edition of Business Sense, we’ll examine some of the risks and rewards of workplace routines.

Copyright 2001 © Mark S. Fulton